visiting college

so i went back to school to get some stuff, like my diploma, for example. anyway, i picked up my girlfriend at work last night; stayed at her apartment, left at around 8:30; ate tomato and herb linguine, then escorted her on her way; went to the mall, had to use the men's room, awful toilet (not good for taking a dump) not sharing yucky info; ran through the rain; reached school and greeted by the same kind of security guards from four years ago; diploma lost by the registrar (need to call after two weeks); got my yearbook (with pretty much the faculty hogging a lot of picture spreads beside the graduate portraits. so, so long for looking forward to some college nostalgia, coz it reminded me that there was nothing there.

This reminds me of how much i hated college. i really hated it then. it was full of incompetent imbeciles. just when i am beginning to create romantic memories.

letse sila!

O Rejection

More than a year ago, I set my eyes on writing, at least for the next couple of years until I realize I am not good. So far, I have received four rejection letters.

One was a template. One was a bit encouraging, one was more flat at saying no, calling it "disappointing," another one said that there were issues with perspective.

So a common theme was "I liked your story." But it needs polishing, it needs things I know little about. I wonder if I should enroll in creative writing. Yes, for a career that pays so little, I have to pay so much to get better.

We've been together for more than two years, and I can say that no one else knows me better than she does. And I would like to think that I am the person who knows her most. When we had tough times, I told her I can not leave her, she's my best friend.

I was at her place this past two days, planning our lives. It's a nice dream, a house, a dog, a cat maybe, and probably a pig. She'd go back to school, she'd find work. She knows what she wanted, although she tends to be defeated by her fears. I, on the other hand, while I think I can do whatever, got no idea what I wanted to do that I could be good at.

Sometimes, I fear the future. I fear the world is self-destructing. I am scared of pollution. I am afraid of getting sick. I am scared of people's changing values. I am scared of what I could be capable of doing. I am scared of the person I might be five, ten, twenty, fifty years from now. Sometimes, I wonder if I should be scared at all. Not that I worry about it too much, but entertaining the ideas scare the crap out of me.

But you know what? I will keep on going because there is nowhere else I imagine myself to go. Just go with the flow.

First post

So i decided to blog again. I guess it is true what they said, I can't let go of blogging.

I like it too much, besides, I have nowhere else to write or say anything i feel like saying anymore.

I decided to do what I have done before. Like write a blog that is so secret that not my friends and family knows about. thereby, no one really knowing it.

i enjoyed the freedom of that when i was in college, and i missed it somewhat. and yes, it would be free from criticisms of people who know me.

I am thinking of changing my name even. Hahaha!

First post.