Finding Inspiration

I woke up at 4 a.m. Lit a cigarette. There is a certain clarity in my mind in the wee hours of the morning, maybe that's the reason I'm an early riser.

I wanted to make a portfolio. I needed inspiration. I wanted to draw something from my dreams, but, as of late, I wake up from dreamless sleep, or maybe I forgot them so easily. Those that do were as monotonous as my daily routine at work.

I looked at previous work that I liked. Perhaps being with people with same interests inspired me.

I took a picture book from Meow's shelf. I tried to draw a leopard hiding in the bushes. I stopped, unsatisfied, before I even applied color.

Meow used to tell me I have a habit of not finishing the job or overdoing it. Admittingly, yes, I do that.

I looked out the screen window, noticed drawings probably done by the previous tenant. I kinda liked it, even if it seemed to resemble a geometric phallus, whatever it may be.

I sometimes wonder why I keep doing the things I do, knowing I am not very good at it. I really want to be good at something. To this day, I remain uncertain of my purpose. I turned thirty last December. I should know.

I think it's weird that I sometimes go on a monologue in the morning, similar to this, with no one really hearing, yet I still keep on doing it. It's a habit I had for as long as I could remember.

I am at peace today, more than usual, as the day normally brings frustration, mostly about the inadequacies I wish I did not have.

I just heard roosters crowing. It sounded great. I think today's gonna be a good one.

Moving On

It's been a long time since I last blogged. Recently, I do either when I am bored or disappointed over something. I blog now because of the latter.

About a year ago, we moved to a house that we were crazy about. It has the perfect size for a couple. It had all the elements we wanted, trees, birds, a great hillside view and an amazing sunset almost everyday except when it's cloudy.

We were happy. We were content. We are quiet people. We hardly go outside. Besides our family, we had only entertained people close to our age three times. We did things that made us happy. The other inconveniences like noisy neighbors, expensive water bills, high association dues, it did not matter to us. We were just there minding our business.

It all changed one day over a little thing, which led to something else, getting bigger and bigger. And we decided to let go of the house we bought. There are fights to battle, but this one is not going to work. We cannot live there til old age and be surrounded by people who do not like us.

Sunday Morning

Yesterday, I was awake for over 24 hours. The past week, we've been doing nine to ten-hour shifts, with little break, working on making and editing transcripts one after the other, and was advised of two more weeks of work like that.

There's a lot of stuff I want to do now. November is supposed to be a nice month. I'd like to buy Christmas decorations. I want to finish the stories I started. I have Kurecolor markers, but I have yet to get inspiration. I have a decent amount of art materials, unused for quite some time now.

I wonder if my friends still remember me, or if they still have me close to heart.

I have always been making plans to do the things I want every year. 2013, as inauspicious as the last two digits are, I intend to take some risks. I am planning to open an online business. I am planning to find a job that may not be necessarily something I like, but definitely something I can genuinely be proud of (not just by title or things like that).

I enrolled myself to a gym, just three months. I plan to get fit soon. I am joining a fun run December 1. And I would do that. I am still torn whether I should take art classes or writing. I plan to enroll for  that before the year ends, and hopefully start next year.

This I tell the jaded fuckers who kinda unwittingly drag me with them down the path of corporate drabness, I am gonna do the things I fucking like! Bwahahaha!

New Older iPhone

I like technology, though I am not the type that has all the latest gadgets there is available, because it is too expensive. As much as I like to buy all those stuff, I just don't like buying things that depreciates so quickly. After a year, after spending a month's salary worth to buy the latest phone, it would just be a fraction of it's original worth.

I was even without a phone for  three months until everyone insisted that I get one after the monsoon that flooded Manila.

However, two weeks ago, my sister told me of iPhones being on promo by my service provider. iPhone 5 is coming out, so I think they're trying to dispose as much of them as they could. So I went to the mall and got myself the 3GS model. It may be prehistoric as far as technocrat's are concerned but I got it practically free.

Some Burden off my Shoulders

When I applied for this job, I thought I'd be just editing. But it seems that I have more responsibilities with people than I had with my last job. The last job that I had, all I needed to do was edit, and I mean EDIT A LOT, and to hell with everything that happens to anyone else.

Here, it is team work. And I was placed in a situation slightly higher than most of my colleagues. Considering I was never a transcriber, I felt such a phony, knowing that I am paid much more than average.

When I came in, I had to learn stuff. While similar to my old job, the whole dynamics is different. I have serious socialization problems, and I do not like talking to people that much. It's just how I am and I have no intention of changing who I am, even if social skills is a company metric. Swerte naman nila kung babaguhin ko ang pagkatao ko para sa kanila.

Housemate

Up in the ceiling, we have a housemate. We're not sure what he or she is. All we know know is that he's been there for months. He was not there when we first moved, then later on, we noticed the sounds he makes at night.

So this roused our curiosity, not knowing how to check him out. Immediately, we suspected he's a python. It is not uncommon for homes for Philippine homes to have pythons in its vicinity, especially with the kind of environment we have. Then we also suspected the supernatural kind.

That made us unsure if we want to check him out. We then made a list of what they can be. We later on decided that snake slithers and it is doubtful that snakes make those seemingly footstep sounds (for the lack of words that I could think of now).

Of Opinions on the Internet

These days, everyone has a say. It's perfectly normal, I have an opinion and I bet everyone else has, too. And I would feel sorry for the person who doesn't have any. However, these days, people's opinions are pretty much known to everyone, if they go online.

Ten years ago, the Internet was a place to say your opinion, so does now. But it was different back then. The Internet was used to do research for school and, for a lot more people, download porn. There are forums to discuss stuff like religion, politics, metaphysics and such. Although marginalized, it did not matter what background you came from, what mattered was the weight of what you say. At times I reveled at this and learned the hard way that making a statement without  knowing much about it could lead to embarrassment (even if you are discussing them among people you have never met).

Thanks to the convenience of social networking, the Internet has become more democratized. I have hundreds of friends on Facebook, many of which are people I know but I couldn't really call friends. If I narrow it down, I have maybe 20 friends on FB.