PROUD TO BE PINOY? Dont Be, Here's Why...

I saw this on the net. It made me sad, angry and got me thinking.

Of long hair, rock bands and people who wear T-shirts with Rock bands

So I was at 7-11, and the counter guy asked, "ang haba na ng buhok nyo ah," with a sense of familiarity.

I smiled, a bit embarassed and surprised coz I don't know the guy.

"Tumutugtog ba kayo, sir?"

"Hindi," sagot ko.

When I saw the disappointment on his face, I almost wanted to cut my hair. Almost. The reason why my hair is now longer is because I am lazy. And haircuts have gotten expensive since my barber shop closed. Also,  I started to like my long hair.

Someone told me that the longer the hair, the higher the expectation is to be in a band. I would not say I did not have fantasies at some point to be in a band, but I did not and I am too old to be in a band. And it's just not me, or that is what Kevin Arnold said before he bought his electric guitar in The Wonder Years.




Too bad they disbanded a week after their first gig. It's funny.

There is this guy at work who has hair that goes down to his waist, no one will be disappointed in him coz he has a band.

Well, I listen to rock songs almost as much as I listen to alternative, but I won't claim I play in a band. Or I could tell them I could play a triangle, to save face, but alas, I don't know how to play even that. My promising musical career ended when I was around twelve when my singing duo crashed. I would like to say creative differences, but we were young and we had to do things on our own. We could have been like big, you know like the Dresden Dolls, Belle and Sebastian, Bono and Cher.... uhh.... Hahaha!

So going back to the hair topic, I just like my long hair that I intend to cut in 2012. Why 2012? I just feel like 2012 is the right time coz the world might end.

I don't want people to think I am a poser or anything, but I think people are narrow-minded if they think only people in a band or artists can have long hair. While I am guilty of calling people posers, more on that later, I have long hair only to please myself. I think to judge people and what they do on the basis of their hair is wrong. Like people with clean cut hair can not join a rock band? Of course, they can. I don't think we or them are like Samson who gets something from their hair other than basic protection for the head.

Going on to the matter of posers. I was on my way to work, it was on the same day as the 7-11 incident, and saw this dude with the uncanniest resemblance to Justin Bieber ride the jeep wearing an Our Lady of Peace shirt (the band), and I wonder if he really knows them. Now I am not telling you he does not listen to Our Lady of Peace, coz I don't know if he does. All I know is I don't listen to Our Lady of Peace, even though it is in my iPod, because it brings memories of my high school, more like the name of the band sends me back to high school.

But there are people who wear Iron Maiden or Metallica or Angry Samoans and, in some cases, obscure bands, then listen to Lady Gaga. So I wonder why they are wearing those shirts, as if rock band shirts now beats buying signature clothes. Maybe because it's cheaper than wearing whatever brand you can buy at so much more in Shangri-la or at Powerplant mall.

I don't get it. I know that these people don't appreciate the album art or anything. Or maybe, simply, they hope that the coolness of the bands rubs off on them some way.
Maybe I just think ill of people. I don't know.

Forgive me because I lack sleep

I woke up earlier than planned and could not sleep. I think I am tired of sleep at daytime. I really could not understand why they have to send so many of us in the evening shift.

I took a 3-day vacation leave last week that I had beside a "company-proclaimed" scheduled holiday, and a weekend. Now that I am back to work, I wish that holiday never ended. I feel really drained.

Pictuuuures

These are not one of the best pictures that I took, and I got lazy to crop the edges of the scanned film.

This one I liked coz it looked pretty.

oOo

The whole set of film, for me, was kinda crappy. This one is among the better ones.

oOo

These are taken on Bern's wedding. She's my girlfriend's friend, and these are some of her friend's friends, except for one who really is her friend and kind of my friend, too.

oOo

This is among the first time I used a 35 mm film on what's supposed to be a 120 film camera.

Of my task today, money problems and a small regret

I am trying to work on projects today, a couple of design work. I am half done with one although I am afraid it won't be good enough. I guess precision and other technical aspects are important in design, qualities I am working hard to improve. Baka kasi ito na ang sagot ko sa kahirapan.

The weekend has been nice, despite being with little money.  I had some bad news about one of our prospects in getting a house of our own. It hasn't fallen apart just yet, but I am keeping my fingers crossed. If it does prove to be good, we will be working very hard to make ends meet. But I really want it.

Oh, I am beginning to hate businessmen. I don't mean everybody who owns a business, but those pesky capitalists who always think of money and earning money and making more money at the expense of others. I have a business degree, and I realize that it was one of the major decisions in my life that I regret. I did that at a young age, I had to make a quick decision and there are few choices for people who are poor.

I am back to my 8-hour-plus work day tonight. I think they are going to kill us. The past month they have been giving us foreign calls to edit, which are all difficult to understand. They give us tests and some more menial work to finish in between. The compensation, thought by many to be big, is not enough to make up for all the stress that accompanies it.

I think I aged ten years there. I hope something changes, I really do.

Cute Birds are Addictive

Birds are addictive... It seems like it. With the popularity of Angry Birds, which I have tired from, I have stopped iPod games for a while until recently. I have been playing easier games that are not as addictive.

I chanced upon Rip Off from Colorbox, not entirely knowing what it is about. I do that a lot, downloading stuff and removing it from my computer after a while. It was over in just a matter of seconds. It was tough compared to most games, with a character that looked like this:

I know. Really, how cute! And so are the pesky birds from Rovio. I hate addictive cute birds. I found this one more challenging though. The way the game works is easy to understand, you just point your finger in an area where he will go and he will splice everything in his path, including the tons of enemies he's got, ninja-style. And with the number of enemies there, I wonder why those aliens are so interested in those eggs anyway.

I guess the developers wanted to make the game challenging for there was not much transition or learning curve, maybe because the goal of the game was easy. But it is tough, the enemies were swarming almost right away.

You have a little bird protecting his brother while his parents are away. And I wonder, what kind of mother would do that? That's too much responsibility for a chick. Hahaha! Ang hirap kasi.

And you have to avoid those red dynamite-looking birds that seem to show up and go at inconvenient spots. The game is challenging, it has an addictive quality and great aesthetics. I think those are things that make a cool game.

As much as I hate losing, I still keep on playing it. Maybe I really need to go out more often.

Plans

I woke up from what seemed like a dreamless sleep. I had this dream of work, not a scary one but more unpleasant rather than bad. It had me doing what I normally do, it was uneventful, more like it. With my boss not liking me more than normal and asking me to do tasks I already did and review what I finished because it was not that good.

The past weeks, my work was not very well-done. I have to admit that I am badly motivated. I really wish I could do better but I cannot. My heart is just in it no more. I know I can do better because I have before, I just can't. It's hard to for people to see how difficult editing transcripts are like when you do it one after the other.

Quitting the job is easier said than done. I could, really, and I intend to do so soon. I am scared of my plans after. The job pays really well. It's like me acting like Charlie Brown. Anxiety attacks.

I feel I need to take risks to do what I want to do, not knowing if I am going to be good at it. I oftentimes wonder if I really am good at anything.

The job that I have, once I let it go, I know I can bounce back. But my youth is slipping away, and I am scared not to do what I really want. I don't want to end up like most of my coworkers.

I wish that all pieces fall into place. I have few hopes in the future, and I hope this is one that works out well. I had many disappointments more than success and I wish that if there is a God, he hears me out this time.

The gay girl on the Internet

I have read THIS online, and I was thinking, I wanted to do something like that but felt that I am not up to it, but by choosing some character less emotionally consuming as that. A year back, I tried to write a story with a female protagonist targeted for the romantic, and it made me feel wimpy and almost emo-ishly gay. Hahaha! I am too old for having some weird identity crisis.

You gotta admire the guy, and I think the commentor at the bottom is right. We will read fiction because it's more fun to read, although it was intended to lead to otherwise, it was more interesting than most real stories.

A gay girl in Damascus is interesting than some old dude somewhere in Syria. At least people stopped for a while and paid attention.

Iris times two

Iris times two, a photo by jay-p on Flickr.

I dare you

000002, a photo by jay-p on Flickr.

I dont know what he was saying, I guess I was a bit drunk.

Bell Tower

000004, a photo by jay-p on Flickr.

Cathedral

000005, a photo by jay-p on Flickr.

Trio

Fun, a photo by jay-p on Flickr.

I took the less-exposed photograph of the two girls, doing some naughty poses, then one of them borrowed my camera and did a double-exposure picture of us.

Iris and Meow

Iris and Meow, a photo by jay-p on Flickr.

It's Iris' birthday. I was using a newly bought Diana F+ camera. I decided to do some experiments with it.

meow and her snow cat diana

meow and her snow cat diana, a photo by jay-p on Flickr.

I took this using an ISO 200 film using a point-and-shoot Kodak Star 335 camera. I kinda liked the light leak

From Quiapo to the malls

My girlfriend and I went to Quiapo and three malls, all in one day. I was able to buy a Yashica SLR camera for 2,500 pesos. I was scared to buy the other brands.

I wish I had money and I can afford to quit my job and take pictures all day. I know I am not that good yet, but I need to time to practice and I am sure I will be really good at it if I do. I would have bought a DSLR but they are ridiculously expensive for me. I even spent the money I was allotting for Prismacolors.

Besides, I like film. It reminds me of my youth when we really aren't sure what we are going to get. The ones I have developed, I had good ones, but with more crappy stuff coming up.

I am planning to join a contest, and I've been daydreaming, "Baka ito na ang sagot ko sa kahirapan!" I imagine myself walking out of the office shouting the vilest of expletives while the guards escort me out.

That would be wonderful.

Malls make me sad. In our country, they have replaced parks. Kids play in this pen, jumping in trampolines and jelly-like plastic that is supposed to look like water. SM North has these stuffed animals and Styrofoam fishes. As an attraction they have live animals this weekend in one corner. And I felt sorry for the reptiles, and I am not that sympathetic to reptiles to begin with.

Once I am able to get that house, if I do, I would stop going to malls too often. I used to like malls when I was in college. Whenever I don't feel like going to school, I'd go to the mall, almost always alone and not buying anything, I would go to the mall. Maybe it's because I am getting old or I just don't like large crowds, I try to avoid them now, but there are very few choices to go to now, and everyting seems to be done in malls now: groceries, bills, shopping....

People and Me

When I was younger, when I've got no idea yet, I wanted to belong somewhere. I always had a problem fitting in. It was like that when I was in high school and the earlier parts of college. I do have friends, a lot of acquaintances, but in the end, I felt alone most of the time. I felt I could or should change. Part of me was still longing for that when I started working, even if I guess I wouldn't admit it.

Then I realize that, in the end, I would never fit in anywhere. I am not that likable as a person. It just is, maybe because I am different. I like acting like a kid sometimes, or more appropriately, I enjoy doing the stuff that kids ought to be doing. I mumble to myself. I entertain unrealistic thoughts and things like that. I never found it weird but people do.

I thought that I don't like certain people, but I realize that I don't like many people. It's not that I hate them or anything, but I don't like people, in general. I like being alone. I don't like large crowds and prefer the comfort of being people I am familiar with and accepts me for who I am, which is harder to find, considering how people seem to judge everything on the basis of their preconceived stereotypes. Not that I am not guilty of that myself, I guess what I lacked was the ability to pull it off.

There are things I could let go or not care about. There are things that bother me, so why bother? The world wouldn't change for poor old me, it's just how it is. I maybe narrow-minded this way, but we have to admit that that is how the world works. My values may differ from theirs, I may not approve of what they do just as they would not approve of how I am running my life, I just gotta accept that I cannot proselytize people into my thinking or my idea of fun.

I realize that I like myself too much, as egoistic as it sounds, to be a different person. And those who accept that are welcome to be a friend, unless I don't like you.

Facebook sucks

The weather is freaking hot. I have work tonight, and I am finding it hard to sleep. I was planning to do some sketches, but I feel lazy to do that, too.

I logged in to look at FB, and found it annoying, depressing.

I would rather look at Facebook, if people would strop bitching around and share something worth sharing. I really dont care much whether you're at home sleeping or drinking orange juice. I don't care, and I am sure 95% of the people on FB don't care, too.

And also, please, for the love of old people, stop sharing your sexcapades. I am sure your low-life friends like that, pati na rin ang mga chismoso at chismosa, but how about others like you cousins or your colleagues. Hopefully, you don't have your parents in there. FB is a wonderful way of advertising you're a slut.

I hate the bickering and the inane, utterly insipid things people do or type, just for the sake of conversation, or ugly people posing like supermodels. The weird part is that they are not posing like supermodels out of fun, they are SERIOUS about it. It's scary.They have these big professional cameras, which thanks to digital technology, people can buy easily now.

Somebody should tell them to stop it. I mean, I wanna be a model, too, but I can't. I am not deluded.

The pictures on Facebook, with people having their tongues sticking out or men looking for sex and women clamoring for attention by being slutty makes me ask, "Has the world gone low or what?"

I always thought I am open minded, but I am really getting intolerant.

Quick update

I am tweaking this blog. I am not sure if I would ever look for another domain after the one that I had expired.

I plan to use this to write stuff, post pictures and stuff.

I am aslo gonna be working on making some other things.