Plans

I woke up from what seemed like a dreamless sleep. I had this dream of work, not a scary one but more unpleasant rather than bad. It had me doing what I normally do, it was uneventful, more like it. With my boss not liking me more than normal and asking me to do tasks I already did and review what I finished because it was not that good.

The past weeks, my work was not very well-done. I have to admit that I am badly motivated. I really wish I could do better but I cannot. My heart is just in it no more. I know I can do better because I have before, I just can't. It's hard to for people to see how difficult editing transcripts are like when you do it one after the other.

Quitting the job is easier said than done. I could, really, and I intend to do so soon. I am scared of my plans after. The job pays really well. It's like me acting like Charlie Brown. Anxiety attacks.

I feel I need to take risks to do what I want to do, not knowing if I am going to be good at it. I oftentimes wonder if I really am good at anything.

The job that I have, once I let it go, I know I can bounce back. But my youth is slipping away, and I am scared not to do what I really want. I don't want to end up like most of my coworkers.

I wish that all pieces fall into place. I have few hopes in the future, and I hope this is one that works out well. I had many disappointments more than success and I wish that if there is a God, he hears me out this time.