People and Me

When I was younger, when I've got no idea yet, I wanted to belong somewhere. I always had a problem fitting in. It was like that when I was in high school and the earlier parts of college. I do have friends, a lot of acquaintances, but in the end, I felt alone most of the time. I felt I could or should change. Part of me was still longing for that when I started working, even if I guess I wouldn't admit it.

Then I realize that, in the end, I would never fit in anywhere. I am not that likable as a person. It just is, maybe because I am different. I like acting like a kid sometimes, or more appropriately, I enjoy doing the stuff that kids ought to be doing. I mumble to myself. I entertain unrealistic thoughts and things like that. I never found it weird but people do.

I thought that I don't like certain people, but I realize that I don't like many people. It's not that I hate them or anything, but I don't like people, in general. I like being alone. I don't like large crowds and prefer the comfort of being people I am familiar with and accepts me for who I am, which is harder to find, considering how people seem to judge everything on the basis of their preconceived stereotypes. Not that I am not guilty of that myself, I guess what I lacked was the ability to pull it off.

There are things I could let go or not care about. There are things that bother me, so why bother? The world wouldn't change for poor old me, it's just how it is. I maybe narrow-minded this way, but we have to admit that that is how the world works. My values may differ from theirs, I may not approve of what they do just as they would not approve of how I am running my life, I just gotta accept that I cannot proselytize people into my thinking or my idea of fun.

I realize that I like myself too much, as egoistic as it sounds, to be a different person. And those who accept that are welcome to be a friend, unless I don't like you.